Your Favorite Sweater
3 min readJan 22, 2025

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I’ve read through the existing thread but I’m going to comment here because it warrants fresh consideration. I’m one of these women who doesn’t have a “need” for men. You know why? Because *in my experience* men don’t show up for me. They aren’t consistent, they don’t respect my time, and they don’t consider my feelings or needs. And someone is probably going to highlight that sentence and cry “gold digger” or “selfish” but I’m not; I’m a considerate, giving, loving partner and friend. I don’t expect him to pay the bill (always offer to split) or do my chores or whatever. But I’m not going to give 100% if I don’t see it reciprocated. I’ve been taken advantage of by men and women alike, I don’t tolerate it at all. But I keep trying, because “not all men.”

It’s not “all” men (just like it’s not “all” women) but boy does it feel like it. I’ve been dating for quite a while now and for the longest time, I thought “maybe these deficiencies are just because we’re incredibly young and dating will get better as we mature.” But no, it’s gotten exponentially worse. I’ll agree with you a lot of it has to do with lack of connection but (again in MY EXPERIENCE) I and my girlfriends seem to be the only ones trying to foster what we seem to have lost over the last decade. We listen to podcasts about the loneliness epidemic and implement the suggestions for change. We are approaching men in public, but not getting approached. We express interest in all tax brackets, races, hobbyists, etc. We don’t like a Hinge profile without leaving comments, but my Likes are full of just likes, no conversation starting.

In fact, I think the Hinge example encapsulates my whole frustration with comments like yours. These men have profiles stating they’re looking for the woman of their dreams, someone to build and share a life with, someone who can communicate and laugh etc etc. But more and more with each passing month, I’m only receiving plain likes from these same profiles. You’re looking for your wife but can’t even bother to leave a conversation-starting comment?

So yeah. I don’t have a need for a man. I’m the one that has to pay my bills. I’m the one that has to care for my physical and emotional needs. I’m the one that gets my car maintenance done, plans trips so I can see the world, snakes my drains and takes out my trash. No man, since I left my father’s house, has stepped up to do those things for me. I’m not wasting my life waiting for this mystical guy to show up, either.

And yet, I keep trying, even though I rarely see a modicum of *effort* coming from the other side. I self-reflect when a criticism directed at women makes my ears prick. But, and remember, my broad brush stroke when I say this is informed by ~my experience~ — men don’t feel needed by women but instead of reflecting on their own thoughts and actions, and taking responsibility for their part in dating, they throw their hands up and write ad nauseam about how women should change their behavior, about what is wrong with women. My hope in leaving this comment is just that you’ll consider my anecdotal experience when you’re wondering why women roll their eyes when people like you leave “woe as men” comments like this thread.

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Your Favorite Sweater
Your Favorite Sweater

Written by Your Favorite Sweater

Creative outlet for a young professional in a very non-creative field

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