Niki, this was so well written! I feel like the Nice Guy is a huge reason why I dated the Asshole for so long — the Asshole wasn’t necessarily better but at least we were being somewhat upfront and it didn’t feel like a transaction.
I also have always hated when my girlfriends debate whether or not to break up with a guy because “he’s just so nice.” Whether he has bad motives for being nice or not, “nice” is a zero sum value in a pros and cons list to me. Nice is baseline, it’s expected. It doesn’t make you a great partner, it makes you an acceptable partner at most.
I’ve recently met a Good Man. He’s nice to me but we still have chemistry, something I had thought impossible until now, and for all of the reasons you listed in this article.